Gassy.

Like every other post-surgery story, tracking pee, gas, and poop have become the metrics of the first week out. The last few days kept getting less good until yesterday which was particularly bad for a few hours. It’s not great when your catheter gets blocked and you can’t pee.

I’d have to double check with my partner for how long it really was, but I was in an hours-long pain-med-supported meditative trance to deal with the pain.

Today is much better so far.

I am so glad my partner was there to meditate with me and be the rational person worried about the last time I peed while I was lost somewhere in my head.

I’m still trying to understand what sensations are coming from where. With the nerve pain, the extremely tight surgical tape holding everything in, and all my bits being majorly readjusted, I don’t know what all the weird firing signals mean or where they’re even coming from—I think I need to apologize to every computer that has ever complained when I disconnected a USB stick without unmounting the drive first.

One week out, we’re taking it day by day, but the feeling of regret I dreaded the most? Nowhere in sight. This was the right decision, it just really hurts.

But that too, will pass.